'FAAAAAH'

You know I actually realized that I started caring way too much about likes, views, and whether people like what I put out into this world or not. And because of this need for perfection or validation or whatever, I stopped posting. It just wasn't good enough to be posted anymore.

But I started this website, this blog; as a personal diary. To create a space about psychology, being a teen and everything random frustration and emotion associated with it. At first I thought the problem was people don't like to read. Maybe that's why the blog isn't 'working'. But it isn't for the people who don't like to read. It's for those who try to explore, try to find blogs. But more that that it's for me. When I thought the problem was reading, I switched to vlogs. They worked, for a while... so I stopped blogging altogether. I figured, might as well do what people like (biggest mistake ever). Because people stopped liking it pretttyyy soon. Soon the views dropped on that too. So I figured, shorter reels to hold attention span. But I have so much to say. Maybe it's the camera? Maybe it's the timing I post on... Maybe it's the content. In all of this... I stopped that too. Because vlogging became a task on my to do list.

I never wanted that. I wanted to be able to type up my emotions on a train journey and post it without spell checking. I wanted to change my blog background every Saturday and change it back on Sunday. I wanted it to be fun, to be comforting, to be mine. And I lost that. I wanted it to be about Psychology and I realized none of my blogs or vlogs had that because it wasn't 'interesting' enough to be viewed. Nothing was enough.

But there is freedom when you don't get views. You can write anything because people aren't going to read it anyway. You can say anything because people aren't watching anyway. And say they do start watching? Well that's just the cherry on top of the cake, isn't it?